Trauma – The Storm, and the After.

Trauma_Aug 07 2014Everything becomes chaos after storm.
Much is blown away, scattered in the different places.
Much is ripped into pieces, lost the look of the original shape.

We want things to go back to their original shape.
To tidy the scene back to before where the wrong has started.
To find and pick up the different pieces. To remodel them.

By then we hope we go back to square one.
Yet things aren’t the same. No matter how much you remodel or reorganize the place into the same original pattern,
you never feel the same.

Then you realize it is you who have changed. Your inside has changed.
You struggled to find a way to make sense of it until you realize everything is chaos in your heart.
The worst, you realize the bad seems to have accumulated from all the past, and it attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.
The most evil tactics, the most destructive power, the most unpredictable timing.
And all you can only sit helplessly, letting fear pushes you to the edge,
And you experience moment of moment of terror that the danger is breathing into your ear.

We struggle to let things return to where it started, so that we can stop the pain and suffering.
Yet we fail, and we sit down defeated and believe everything is over.
And time passes, and we still sit here and expected the worse would fall on us,
Until we start to look around again, and realize nothing has changed since then.
What was changed was still there – the debris, the mess. But no more the storm.
And our fear? It is still here. Yet…we are used to it in ways that…we start to feel, yeah it is it, I know it.

It is the same horrifying impact, yet no longer the strange.
And we stand up, stretch our bodies, to get ready for a big cleanup.
We clean everything, putting everything into the bin.
We open the door to bring the new useful back.

The fear is still here, and past memories continue to haunt us.
Yet our bodies are moving, and our minds are letting the new and stronger bits to take the place.

We change, and grow.

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