(Continued from post: Do not Fix Me, Please Be With Me – https://corimuscounseling.wordpress.com/2014/08/19/do-not-fix-me-be-with-me-please/)
Trauma is not something we can ask for, and certainly we have no control of it. We are locked in the dark prison jail, trapped in the overwhelming waves of devastation, punishment and isolation.
There is nothing left for us. The freezing temperature wraths around us and we can only hold on to the broken pieces of clothing for warmth. Under the darkness of despair we can only hold on to the replay of flash memories for dim light of hope.
We may yell and scream, yet the sounds do not reach outside the closed box, until we are left with the hoarse whisper.
We desperately want to leave the room and we hit the cold wall hard, so hard until our hands are covered with bruises and the blood traces from the repeated friction with the wall.
Perhaps out of our lacking physical and emotional capability, or we are forbidden to, we cannot leave the cell.
We may depend on others’ strength to break the barrier. And yet as others break our cell, things may not be better.
The damage on us is beyond our belief that we lose the ability to adapt into the old world we used to live in.
We fall as soon as we take the step into the chaos of the society.
We become more fearful, more insecure, more ill which these facts sadly direct us to the realistic truth that perhaps we cannot fit in the outer world yet.
We are not ready.
The cell is a dark, fearful and scary lockage of us, yet it is also the protective wrapping cushion, shielding us from the unknown, strange and frightening outside.
It is a buffering protection as we heal.
I believe there is a meaning of “jail time”, as there is darkness for the spiritual healing journey.
As much as we do not welcome the thrust of trauma, we sit within trauma until we learn to accept its evitable presence.
We learn to “being with” instead of “fixing”.
To Feel instead of think.
Take a step backward, so we allow space for the building respect, openness and acceptance.
Through this comes with the growth of safety and security, and we can choose to walk out of the jail.