As a counselor, I have become aware of the “not ok – go get fixed” solution seeking mechanism in many individuals. When one is in bad shape, it is natural for us to think that he/she ought to find a way to recover – For physical damage, we seek a doctor for medication; for emotional pain, we go to a counselor/psychologist.
Looking around the maturing development of the various industries, I reckon that it is the growing commonality of the helping professions which help reinforce the mindset we can come close to perfection.
When we see those who are not keen to get better, we cannot help but think that person might be lazy, or there is something wrong with the person. At certain times in therapy, I also come across with students who do not seem to gain power to face their weaknesses. At certain moments I admit the slight irritation at those students who appear to purely rely on seeking help yet not bothered to shed self-responsibility.
I look at my weak and dark moments, and try to relate my own wading in mud and water times to others’ suffering. It works in some cases, yet there are also the unsuccessful and difficult times.
Then recently as I was under the moderately serious ankle injury, which led to the long and painful recovery process. Many, especially the closed ones were worried about me and hope for my speedy recovery.
They told me to work my best to get well sooner.
They told me to forget about the past pain and move on.
There were times when I was not feeling ok, and I lost the motivation to fight. Others gave frowning and disagreeing looks. They urged me to get a grip and stand up. Looking at their anxious faces, I felt the huge pressure. Aside their care and concern for me also comes with their intolerance of the current me. They are not ok with me being imperfect, and they try to find the way for me to stay away from it.
Yet I am indeed not ok. I am hurt and angry, and it is real to me.
I know I have to be better, and I do want to be better.
Yet right at this moment, I hope that others face my fault, my bad, my negativity with acceptance.
Only when we fall and stumble, then we realize the realness of struggle.
And what we need the most is not to be perfect.
We hope for recognition, acceptance, warmth.
I share this heart-full of feeling with you all.