Sorry is only a 5 letter word unless you truly mean it.

Sorry_May 12 2015

Sorry is only a 5 letter word unless you truly mean it.

“A child playfully tears the leather surface of the sofa. She says sorry and gets lighter punishment. The child grows in age, also the rising habit of the “minor mistakes”, and hence the more “sorry” naturally comes out of her mouth, even without deep thinking of what has actually happened. Soon she is labeled as a careless, immature and unreliable person…”

The rationale of the “sorry” slip

“Saying sorry without meaning it” is a common habit among many of us. We often use it to quickly get pass our fault – hopefully we stop the other person to stubbornly go deeper, which further deteriorate the relationship. Or we do not want to go into our own feelings, as the more we look into it, then the rising moral/guilty calling. In whatever ways, we just do not want to admit our wrong/vulnerability.

Even we are consciously aware of the own regret and right/wrong, we simply spilt the 5 letter word, and intend to let the whole thing go. Yet when we do so, we easily neglect own responsibility as causing the circumstance, so as to feel better. I find that often the person’s mindless slip of “sorry”, also quickly passes the feelings of guilt, discipline, discomfort…And so we indirectly throw away the self moral reminder, repeatedly for many times to the extent that we are so used to neglecting the moral judgmental calling.

When you do not mean SORRY, it does bring bad consequences

Only this does not solve the problem. When others feel our absence of realness in apology, whole they do not feel requited, their hurt, frustration and loss are even be if not prolonged then worsened. A boss hears a colleague’s meaningless apology over her 5th time of repeated mistake, even a minor one, can even become intolerant. The argument over the husband’s forgetfulness in placing the dishes in the sink may sometimes lead to the strong contributing factor of divorce.

The destruction of the mindless apology is that it creates the false expectation from the others that we would improve from the fault, which leads to the bigger conflict in the next incident. This is because we all tend to interpret one’s mindless apology as an illustration of dishonesty, disrespect and neglect. This leads to the emergence of mistrust, indifference, or grudge in the relationship. From the original intention of self-protection and fault bypass, to distrust and deterioration of the relationship – is it what we want to say the empty apology for?

Value the Meaning of Sorry

Let us not only mean what we say “Sorry” for, but more importantly, we ought to face the truth. Be true and honest, and so we bear the responsibility of our causes of doing. For the faults and wrong we have done, we choose to face it.

Face ourselves, and the related others, most importantly because it matters we value the connection between the others and us. We project the same feelings of sorry to our relationship, just in the same way we convey our true feelings in the relationship.

And so when we say sorry next time. Think twice, before we choose to say this 5 letter word.

#inspirational #sharing #sorry #apology #relationship #connection

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