“When a string gets stretched beyond its uphold, a gentle pull/touch of it could lead to the explosive burst of deformation.”
Anxiety is an emotion of worry, uneasiness experienced by everyone, often caused by the outer stressful stimuli like public speech, managing finances, etc. Some anxiety can be stimulating for better-ness; others are rather damaging to self/others. I have once witnessed an incident which led me to write on the concept of anxiety.
“A family entered a restaurant with reservation for the celebration of the grandfather’s birthday, only to be allocated to an unacceptable near kitchen spot. They demanded changing to a better location. The manager reluctantly agreed, and while moving the table, he requested rudely the family to move aside as they “stood in the way”. The family became outraged, and condemned the poor service. Upon that moment the uncle arrived at the scene, saw the tense situation, and immediately stepped forward demanding a fight. Minutes later the family was forced to leave the restaurant…”
There are different reasons which caused the restaurant conflict – The rude manner of the manager, or the family’s “stubborn” request. Perhaps it is only the coincidental cross path between the family and manager. The uncle who recklessly picked the fight. And more. What we see at the fight is the clear anger and temper, and seldom do we think is the deeper string of anxiety pulling these extreme emotions. Being tense, while the family could have handled it rationally, they were easily provoked and emotions out of control.
As we channel the event to our happening, we may be no different from the family at certain point, and get easily agitated and anxious. And for that it is important that we seek out to find the source of our anxiety.
Our Reactive Mechanism, the More Stress We Endure
“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” Hans Selye
Our emotions and behavior do have a close interrelated relationship with the external stimuli. We are naturally mindful of how others regard us, and accordingly function under the “how others act – we react/respond” mechanism. One lady from a law firm shared about her pulling out of devotion to work since her disagreement with the company culture.
“It is just a job. I don’t buy what the upper management does. They work only to secure their salary…no I will not do anything. I am only one of the small members, and so I will go along the rules. Yet I will not devote myself to them. How they treat me is how I return back. I always leave the office right after work.”
Perhaps there are things we do not endorse yet cannot oppose, which causes the internal anxiety. There are many other cases we face as similar with the above sample, like work pressure, relationship problem. Somehow we only forcefully swallow the whole thing, then we let the growing anxiety get submerged.
In that case often we vent our displeasure via “acting in”, as being the passive followers. We become dependent on how others provide/speak to us, so as to respond. Therefore inevitably we receive much more than we choose from, particularly times as stress/negativity is casted onto us, and hence the further intensification of anxiety.
Anxiety and Conflict, then More Anxiety and the Worsening Conflict
“Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” Arthur Somers Roche
Under high level of anxiety, some easily choose the “silent revenge”, like the above case (No OT sharing). I often find the “passive” attitude not a way of solving the problem, but only a hidden bomb of a latter worsened backfire. A woman recalled one rare conflict as she lost temper in front of her husband,
“I did not really remember how I got into the fight. Of all things he has done, I could tolerate them. What I don’t get…this time he just gave me a simple complaint, and yet… it just hit right into my head. I was so mad. How dare. How dare he said something like that to my face. Perhaps it is all the anger I have pulled from the past. This time it’s like he just stepped right on my toe. I then just attacked back, splashing all I got onto him.”
After the fight, the woman began to battle between the feelings of still being upset over the undeserved treatment, and realizing she was perhaps not completely guilt free. The conflicted feelings caused her great distress, who then quickly disregarded the whole experience, until the next conflict in which she snapped again.
Unhandled stress can turn into anxiety within self, which causes the repeated worsening conflict, and then the more anxiety. I would say anxiety is accumulated in ways of one level on top of the other, to the intolerable extent. A small trigger sets off the abrupt temper, sometimes even without reason. Like the family who encountered the rude manner, even it was merely a verbal phrase, they reacted in a much worse and uncontrollable way.
“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.” Kirs Carr
A balanced level of anxiety is the key to a healthy personal being. Anxiety is essential in our lives for stimulating performance/enhancing motivation. Too little anxiety can weaken our maintenance of persistence and development. On the other hand, too much anxiety (which I have discussed mainly in this sharing) does not only lead to the worsening/more conflicts, but also impacts us in the different ways.
A prolonged tense mind can lead to poorer physical health, including deprivation of sleep, digestion issue, skin disease, or arguably Alzheimer’s disease; the psychological impacts are un-ignorable, from the mood swings, to the serious mental breakdown. One with high anxiety can also maintain short relationships which never end well, and are prone to anti-social manner/isolation.
Face own anxiety.
Live with it.
Deal with it.
We will find ourselves living a much freer and happier life, by self, and with the others.
#anxiety #conflict #stress #inspirational #quote #sharing #deal